A lesson in putting into practice what I’m learning

My day has started off with two challenges – both chances to put into practice what I’ve been learning and sharing out. Two different situations, work related, where miscommunication has caused a rift. Both happened within minutes of each other and both caused my heart to race, my anxiety to rise and since I’m somewhat of a sensitive sort, tears to start to come to my eyes. I felt that fight or flight instinct that makes me want to fight back to defend my side or alternatively to withdraw. Since I’m at work I had to try to pull myself together and think okay Kim, you are learning and practicing all these new ways to handle stress and challenges and live in peace and understanding, so how will I handle this? Ok. Situation one involves a teammate and an unexpected delay in a sale we expected months ago that now may continue to push past November which will have several negative ripple effects. This caused tension in our most recent verbal exchange. And, left me feeling anxious. So, what I have learned is when there is a feeling of anxiety, I am not perceiving the situation the way I need to perceive it. (Now, others may not either but that is not where I need to focus – it is how am I perceiving the situation). I know that the tension does not have to do with me but rather the situation we are presented with. So, I needn’t take this personally and I need to look past the words coming out of my teammates mouth to the fact that he, just like me, are two beautiful spirits living this earthly experience getting caught up in worldly worries where are ego minds take over sometimes and put us in a state of blame, frustration, anxiety, etc. Well, if I perceive it this way, I can pull myself back into a state of calm, love and forgiveness for both me for my part and my teammate for his. I can then apologize for my part as I don’t have to be right and diffuse the feelings of tension. I did this and he then appreciated my effort and we are now okay. A small miracle just by changing perception. The second scenario was miscommuniation with my direct manager. Without meaning to I had offended her via an email message and she responded with an intense attack. This caught me off gaurd and my immediate programmed reaction pushed briefly towards shock and anger. I had many thoughts racing in my mind and then again, had to stop myself, take a breath, clear my mind and realize again, I am perceiving this incorrectly. My words had caused her to become defensive and lash out and if I do the same back that will not bring about a peaceful resolution. I need to see this differently, not try to be right, and just bring resolution even if she doesn’t take part. A Course in Miracles teaches that the more important thing is my behavior and my journey. So, again, I needed to look past the immediate details and realize this is another spirtitual being, equal to me, just doing the best she can and I need to show love and accept forgiveness for myself for my part and to her for her part. I replied apologizing sincerely and asked for her guidance moving forward. The lesson in this – I feel better. And, I am seeing how I can choose how I see things and how I respond and I just hope I can continue integrating what I’m learning into my daily life. It is certainly not easy to re-program and I’m only just starting, but I’m encouraged by the calmness I feel now compared to an hour ago.